Even though Valentine’s Day is considered a holiday, it feels like more of a reality check. The stores, the commercials, and social media are all checking on my relationship status. It’s like a progress report card to be honest. And I can’t tell you the metrics of my relationship status for most days of the year, but the record is showing that I’ve been single on many February 14th’s.
I’ve always desired to have something (actually, someone) to show for myself on February 14th. I even dig through old text messages and old friends just to have something to show for the day (don’t judge me). But when the day comes and goes without any flowers, the report comes in and another year where my relationship status = single.
So, this year, I decided to pull the report on a different relationship. Society has a way of making us feel like there has to be a significant other in the picture for it to be post worthy, but I’m challenging that perception. Even though I’ll be celebrating this v-day with a friend, the relationship status I’m checking for is the one with myself. And I promise this isn’t a “love yourself girl, or nobody will” blog post—because beyond the spa treatment and bottle of wine, this February 14th I’m giving myself a reality check for the relationship with my own mind, body and soul.
Valentine’s Day is often met with gifts from a significant other. Whether it be a box of chocolates or a ring, the holiday is generally a gift giving occasion. This made me ask ‘what have I given myself recently?’ And I’m not talking about a dessert or the purse I bought to treat myself—I’m talking about the things that my mind needs to feel fulfilled. Have I given myself an extra hour of rest one day this week? Have I read a chapter of my book? Have I blocked my work calendar for focus time? I would give the world to a significant other on Valentine’s Day to create an occasion for relaxation and unwinding, so why not do it for myself? So, I’m not buying myself an expensive gift this v-day. Instead, I’m giving my mind time and space to relax. You make time for things that you love, and I love my peace of mind.
People celebrating this holiday with a significant other may post old photos on social media to show how the relationship has grown over the years. So, I decided to look at old pictures of myself. And let me tell you…. looking at pictures from last February to this February felt like a huge shock. Events with no masks? Huge office parties? It feels like another world. But most importantly, I was shocked to see how my body changed. Working from home changed my relationship with food and I did not lose the 15 pounds I’d hoped for. Instead, I went in the opposite direction. In all honestly, I had a mini breakdown getting on the scale the other day. I even tried to convince myself that I now needed to lose 30 pounds this year to catch up. But then a friend reminded me that gaining or losing weight doesn’t make someone beautiful. Even though I wanted to reach my goals, wanting to improve was not a valid reason to not love who I was in the process. This year, I won’t be posting photos from the past. Instead, I’m having a photo shoot with myself, and for myself, to appreciate and embrace the person I’ve become today. That is something worth capturing.
In my past relationships, especially long distance, we had a routine. We would talk on the phone in the morning and finish the day on the phone around the same time, every day. I finished everything I needed to do in a timely manner during the day in order to make that phone call at night. It was habitual. We may have missed a conversation here and there, and sometimes we could not talk as long. But we made consistent efforts to take time to talk to each other. That is the same energy I need to give myself. Even though the days can be busy, having a routine to center myself is essential. Some people mediate, some pray, and some light a candle next to a warm bubble bath to find their peace. Whatever the method, finding peace and centering my soul is important for me to feel connected to every part of me. So I’m trying all three of the things I mentioned above. I have my mediative music, a devotional book, and a bomb candle. I would say that you can find me in a bubble bath on this February 14th, but relationships aren’t about one day. It’s about consistency. So, for me in terms of my relationship, with myself, you can find me in the bathtub every Sunday before bed.
All in all, my progress report card this year is showing my relationship status = committed, to myself. Regardless of someone else buying flowers, I’m choosing to be committed to my peace of mind, my continuous evolution, and a centered soul. Instead of letting the world check in on how you’re doing with other people, take some time to do a progress report on the relationship you have with yourself.